You be the judge: should my wife stop waiting until the last minute to board the plane?

The prosecution: Raheem

I think Nia gets a kick out of pushing things to the last minute. She needs to take travel seriously

My wife, Nia, has a fundamentally different approach to airport etiquette from mine and I find it incredibly stressful. She’s just last minute for everything, and it’s unnecessary.

What bugs me the most is that Nia will always want to get on the plane last, after everyone else has boarded. She will say: “What’s the point in queueing? We’ll just end up sitting on the plane for longer.” But I think, why not take your seat instead of pushing it until the last second? I get nervous watching everyone board before me, and the stewards get annoyed with us.

A couple of times when Nia has insisted that we board last, we’ve got on the plane to find there’s no more room for our bags in the overhead lockers. One time, after landing, we had to wait for everyone else to get off before we could get our bags, as they were stored 10 rows back.

There’s nothing to gain from being late or last in line in an airport, but Nia is adamant that it’s “fine”. She is more chilled than me. I like to be on time for everything. We’ve never missed a flight but that’s only because of me. I print out all our boarding passes and email photocopies of our passports to myself before every trip. Nia calls it a “dad move”, but it keeps us organised.

She told me that before we met, she was in an airport in Italy and was buying a pastry when she should have been boarding her plane. She missed her flight. That is so silly. It would never happen on my watch.

You’re supposed to get to the airport two hours before your flight if you’re travelling to Europe, but Nia always thinks 1½ hours is fine. I don’t like taking the risk because you never know what will happen.

On a holiday to Budapest earlier this year I gave in to her preferences over catching planes, and we almost missed our flight. We had to sprint through the airport after being delayed at security. It was such a close shave, and all because she didn’t want to board too early.

I think Nia gets a kick out of pushing things to the last minute, but she needs to take travelling seriously.

The defence: Nia

I don’t want to sit on a plane for longer than I have to. Boarding my way wastes less time

That one time I missed a flight in Italy was on a girls’ trip. A friend had slept in, which held us all up. It’s not strictly true that I missed the flight because I was eating a pastry – the whole group missed it, and we all took the blame. I bought the pastry after we’d admitted defeat.

Obviously, I don’t want this to happen when I travel with Raheem, but he is a bit of a Time Lord, especially when it comes to transport. I appreciate him printing out everything (even if it does remind me of my dad), but I don’t love how stressed he gets.

My preference for arriving a bit later at the airport is because I want to waste as little time as possible. I’d rather be at home than in a queue, and I’d rather sit and watch everyone else board before me if it means less time spent on the plane. I don’t get why people want to line up like keen beans to take their place in a tiny metal box, cramped and bored and breathing in recycled air for an extra 30 minutes.

Raheem wants to be first in the queue and first to board. I think that’s weird. I don’t think it’s smart to be on a plane for longer than you have to. Yes, you take a bit of a risk with the space in the overhead lockers, but who cares? That time we didn’t have access to one nearby turned out fine: we just had to wait five minutes to get our bags after the plane landed. We’d still saved time by not boarding early.

Raheem makes me sound like I have no awareness of time, but I’d argue I’m more conscious of it than him because I want to spend it wisely. Being late isn’t the aim of the game – it’s about minimising the time you spend on things you don’t want to do.

Raheem is a worrier and I’m not. At our wedding he panicked when I was 20 minutes late, but that’s normal for a bride. Our recent journey to Budapest was fine. I suggested getting to the airport 1½ hours before the flight instead of 2½, as he wanted, and we made our plane.

It was Raheem who forced us to run through the airport even though the boarding gate wasn’t closing. He just got stressed. We weren’t last to the gate and everything was OK. He just can’t handle plans that aren’t made by him. I think it’s a control issue.

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The jury of Guardian readers

Should Nia get on the plane earlier?

I am a chronic latecomer, but here I’m on Raheem’s side. Unlike your family and friends, planes and trains don’t hang about. Nia’s admission that she wants to “minimise” wasting her own time suggests a lack of respect for others. But are there deeper issues around control here on both sides? Incidentally, stranding Raheem on their wedding day was just heartless!
Katharine, 74

As a frequent flyer I have to side with Nia – getting to the airport early is for chumps, as time is our most precious asset. If extenuating circumstances cause a delay, you can often jump the queue.
Jemma, 34

Nia is being careless by arriving at the airport later than recommended, and it’s not worth the risk. I’d draw a line at desperately trying to be the first to board though. Both Raheem and Nia would do well to avoid unnecessary stress.
Ben, 29

Compromise is the answer here. Nia, you know how stressed Raheem gets, so show a bit of love and get there early to get your holiday off to a better start. Raheem, could you reciprocate by not insisting on trying to board first? The middle of the queue is just fine.
Fran, 59

Raheem should learn to chill, as rushing a lady is not a good idea. He seems to exaggerate, which just makes him more stressed. There is a saying: better to be late in this world than early in the next.
Tony, 73