You be the judge: should my husband stop smuggling his hip flask into the theatre where I work?

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The prosecution Ellen

Rog doesn’t get drunk in the theatre, but my reputation could suffer if he’s seen taking a swig

I work in a theatre and get free tickets to a lot of shows. But every time I bring my husband Rog, we have the same discussion about him sneaking in his hip flask.

I love Rog, and I like how he’s good at smuggling drinks into festivals and events. He’s very good at making things fun and helping us save money, but I’d rather not have him be known as “the guy with the hip flask” at my place of work. Every time I take him to a show, Rog wants to bring in “Mr Aspinal”, a little flask in a leather case.

I’m not worried about his drinking – he likes a drink socially and I suppose the theatre is a social occasion for him. Rog says he has an emotional attachment to Mr Aspinal because it was a wedding present from his best man, but I don’t think that justifies it. It’s embarrassing. There are also often free drinks at press nights anyway, so it’s unnecessary.

It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t work in theatre, but when we’re attending a press night, or we’re with people we know, I want to make a good impression. I’ve just started a job at a new theatre and I don’t want friends and colleagues to think we are cheap. I feel it’s reasonable to ask that Mr Aspinal stays at home.

When Rog and I first started dating, I took him to see Waiting For Godot at a theatre festival in Wales. Throughout the play I heard him opening tinnies. It was quite jarring, but because it was early days, I didn’t say anything.

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Eight years later, we are now married and things have progressed to the hip flask. It’s more discreet than opening a can of beer, but I just can’t bear the thought of him sneaking drinks into my theatre and someone seeing him.

In my wedding speech, I said Rog brings the fun, that he’s the “chief entertainment officer” in our relationship. I love him for that, but it would distract from my work and affect my reputation if people saw him take a hip flask out and take a swig from it during a performance. I’d really like the backing of Guardian readers on this matter.

The defence Rog

As long as I’m being discreet, what does it matter to Ellen what other people think?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to bring out a hip flask in the theatre. Mr Aspinal is very classy and very demure. He’s in a leather pouch and I think he’s very civilised. Everyone used to have a hip flask back in the day. It was like wearing a trilby – it’s a sign of days gone by.

I’m very lucky to be Ellen’s plus-one to the theatre. I’ve seen some great productions. I take Mr Aspinal along with me because with a hip flask you can just have a little nip here and there. You don’t have to wait until after the show.

I want to emphasise that I buy drinks in the theatre as well. I would always buy a glass of wine, even when I’ve got Mr Aspinal. It’s not as though I’m trying to cheat the arts sector out of drinks money. I’m also responsible with my drinking: I’m a serious professional – a teacher – and I’d never get drunk at these events. But it’s nice to have your own little pouch of booze. I usually fill Mr Aspinal up with whisky or rum, but mezcal is my favourite. Mr Aspinal has great sentimental value to me, because it was a gift from my best man when I married Ellen.

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When it comes to the tinnies I took to a show on one of our early dates, I didn’t realise it was a faux pas, but I was teased later on. On reflection, the can-opening noise was quite loud and I admit it was the wrong thing to do. I wouldn’t do that now.

But I do ask Ellen each time she invites me if I can bring the hip flask. She keeps saying no. So far I have never gone against Ellen’s wishes. The last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable, or feel as if she’s jeopardising her professional reputation.

But the bigger issue is why she cares about the opinions of others. Strangers shouldn’t care about me bringing a hip flask in. And as long as I’m not making a fool out of myself, Ellen shouldn’t care either.

I don’t think we should be so worried about the judgment of others. Saying that, I am interested to see if readers agree with me.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Rog leave his hip flask at home?

Leave the flask at home and buy a drink at the end of the performance. Frankly, Rog’s desire to bring a flask to events is concerning. Is he deflecting a more serious discussion about his problem with alcohol by shifting the focus to Ellen caring about what others think?
Kalah, 45

It’s understandable that the idea of Mr Aspinal coming into Ellen’s workplace makes her uncomfortable. No matter how classy Mr Aspinal looks, Ellen shouldn’t have to worry about her plus-one bringing a boozy plus-one of his own. Being known as “the guy with the hip flask” isn’t a good look.
Vera, 33

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Although I don’t see anything wrong with having “a nip” at the theatre, Rog is already having a glass of wine while he’s there, so it’s not as if he has to go without alcohol all evening. He says strangers shouldn’t care but these aren’t strangers, they’re Ellen’s colleagues and – rightly or wrongly – in a workplace employees are judged. So he should respect her wishes and leave Mr Aspinal at home.
Amy, 48

Rog should leave Mr Aspinal at home. He knows that Ellen doesn’t like this behaviour and it looks cheap and unprofessional. As her husband, he should listen to her, especially since she just has started a new job.
Tarciane, 35

They seem a lovely couple, but Rog needs to respect the reasonable boundaries that Ellen has set given it’s her workplace. I’m sure they’ll work it out though.
Dermot, 54