THERE is one thing guaranteed as a parent who’s gone through a break-up – you will fret about your children experiencing their first Christmas since your split.
This is a tough landmark.
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At this time of year the emphasis is all about family and yours has changed dramatically.
But you CAN navigate the festive period without too much distraction.
Relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr has tips to help you through.
KEEP POSITIVE
Chat over the outings and get-togethers you’re planning.
You can cry down the phone to your bestie or your mum at night but keep your chin up for the kids as much as possible by filling the days with festive fun.
No matter how angry you might feel about your ex, they’re your child’s other parent.
Bite your tongue when inside you want to let rip about what a ‘terrible person’ they are.
Tell your kids how much fun they’ll have at your ex’s place.
SORT ARRANGEMENTS EARLY
Leaving these to the last minute, hoping your ex will be reasonable, is bound to end in tears.
Arrange timings over email or messaging so that you have written proof of your agreements and what you have planned for holidays.
CONSIDER SHARING
If you live near each other why not share Christmas Day?
Be specific about timings though.
For instance, you have your child/children until 1pm and your ex has them the rest of the day and evening.
If there’s distance between you, take an ‘every other Christmas’ approach.
It’s tough when it’s your first Christmas without your children so make plans now with family and/or friends to spend time with.
CREATE NEW TRADITIONS
This is a subtle way to signal new beginnings to your children.
Maybe something simple like making baubles together.
Or you could take them to a special Christmas event.
Make it something you haven’t done before.
But also try to carry on any previous traditions where possible so the kids don’t feel their entire life is changing.
DON’T COMPETE
If things are difficult and you’re giving individual gifts, resist the urge to compete.
You aren’t going to score brownie points by putting more on a credit card.
PIC PERFECT
‘Macho’ Wills and ‘dominant’ Kate – what their Xmas cards really say about them
If you can, it is better to give joint gifts to your children.
It takes the sting out of who gives “better” gifts.
Plus, money is tight after a break-up so it’s a sensible way to move forward.
