Dean, 78
We can have sex for an hour or two and I can have multiple orgasms without ejaculating. Then I read erotic literature and ejaculate, and that’s that
During our 45 years together, Gaby and I have always had a very good sex life. We’d have sex twice a week, and, as we got older, once a week. But about 10 years ago my wife was concerned that my erections weren’t resulting in good enough intercourse. There’s nothing unusual about erection problems when you’re in your 60s and 70s, but it’s still distressing.
I tried electronic stimulation of my penis, but it didn’t make a big difference, and my wife pushed us to go to a sex therapist. She’s an enthusiastic sex partner, and still wanted me to be able to have great sex with her. She was quite insistent on this, even though I was daunted.
Our therapist recommended we try using marijuana, along with the Viagra I was taking. Both of us are social workers and we used to run addictions clinics, so we had never used any illicit drugs before, but we found that marijuana before sex helped.
Eventually, the Viagra stopped working so I now use penile injections. I have a shot every week or two, which results in a very firm erection for a couple hours. A very peculiar thing has happened, which I think is due to the combination of the injection and smoking marijuana: we can now have sex for an hour or two and I have multiple orgasms without ejaculating. Orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. And when it’s over, I go to my computer, read erotic literature and ejaculate, and that’s that.
It’s means that my wife now has more pleasure too. It’s not that she has a dozen orgasms, but occasionally she has more than one. I think this has been really good for our overall sense of health and sexuality.
The definition of sex has evolved, too – it begins as soon as we agree to have sex. It’s more of a ritual now. I’ll wash and give myself a shot. Then we go to bed, we smoke marijuana and then have sex.
At my age, I do wonder how this can be happening. How can I be having multiple orgasms? Can I really handle it? But it’s always wonderful.
Gaby, 78
I felt frustrated because I wanted his penis in me at least part of the time, and he was not interested in getting help
When Dean and I first met I was quite struck by how good he was with a woman’s body. He put much more attention on my pleasure than I’d ever experienced before.
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When he started having problems with erections about 10 years ago, I knew that was normal for a man of his age, but another part of me thought that it’d be awfully nice for me if he could have them again. I like oral sex, but I also like intercourse.
I felt frustrated because I wanted penetration at least some of the time, and he was not interested in getting help. I’m not sure that he really understood how bothersome it was to me, so I had to be very pushy and insistent, which I have often been in our relationship. I started encouraging him to see a doctor, but it took a few years before he was willing to get help.
He started taking penile injections about 18 months ago, and they’ve been great. I find that pot, which the sex therapist recommended to help with Dean’s erections, helps me feel more turned on, too – although it doesn’t work in the way it helps him. I’m not having 100 orgasms. I’m having one or two, possibly three, if I’m lucky. They’re dimmer than 30 years ago, so I use a good vibrator now.
The problem for me is my waning interest as I’ve aged. After menopause, and not having so much testosterone in my body, I have less of a drive. I still want sex, but I have to get going first to feel that, and sometimes it takes me a while. I use lubricant now in a way that I didn’t have to in the early decades of our relationship, and I enjoy erotic stories that we sometimes read to each other.
There’s a lot about sex besides the sex itself. It’s part of our friendship. It’s part of making life pleasant overall. And I think it keeps us more patient with each other during the times that we’re annoyed.
