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It is widely accepted holding onto secrets is bad for your health and any annoying do-gooder will tell you the truth makes the world a better place.
But what if the truth is the worst thing you’ve ever done?
What if, say, the truth is an ill-advised sex session in the front room of your family home which inadvertently led to your dog being put down?
Or perhaps you told your boss you had been mugged so couldn’t come into work, rather than confess you were in fact nursing the daddy of all hangovers.
If this sounds like you, and let’s be real it probably does, my friend you are in luck.
Finally the internet has stepped up to the plate and created a safe space to absolve you and your fellow cretins of all your sins.
I drove the cat to the Forest of Dean and left it there to make a new life with the squirrels. Serves the little fucker right for shitting on my best shirt.
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 17, 2019
Fesshole is a Twitter account which allows people to anonymously confess their darkest secrets through a Google Form.
A bot then posts the confession online and lets the public decide your fate.
The account was set-up by bot supremo Rob Manuel, the man behind Clickbait Bot and Swear Clock, and reminds us how dark and depraved we all really are.
Most importantly it provides a much needed boost for your fragile self-esteem.
Sure you’ve had your moments, but have you ever masturbated onto a nun’s car keys?
So, grab a cuppa and have a read through some of the account’s greatest confessions to date.
After all if you can’t confess your darkest secrets to strangers on the internet, who can you tell?
I was still living at home at the time, and had a massive anal sex session with my girlfriend on the front room sofa while my parents where out. She shat a little bit on the sofa and it left a stain. When questioned by my parents, I blamed the dog, and they said they couldn’t …
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 24, 2019
When I’m in the shower and I happen to have the runz, I sometimes just do a shit right there and mash the lumps down the plughole. I take any clogged hair out first, though, I’m not a savage.
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 21, 2019
I had a monster night out and had a massive hang over the next morning. Rather than calling in sick, I told work that someone had tried to mug me and I was a bit shaken up so couldn’t come in. I have no idea why I lied.
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 21, 2019
I got curious and stuck a carrot up my arse. Then panicked and thought my parents would notice the missing carrot so returned it to the cupboard. We ate it for dinner that night.
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 20, 2019
I once shat in the Parmesan bin at Pizzaland while covering another branch’s Christmas party. If you had a dicky tum over the Christmas period in the early 90s after a shit Christmas do at Pizzaland, it was definitely shittier than you imagine and I apologise unreservedly.
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 20, 2019
I get poo stuck up my fingernails
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 19, 2019
I once bought a box of fruit gums ate. them filled the empty box with gravel then went back to the shop and cried til I got another box. This was in the early eighties.
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 17, 2019
My best friend wants me to fuck his wife and I’m sorely tempted…
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 14, 2019
My goldfish wasnt quite dead, but I didnt want to deal with the dead body so i flushed him down the loo.
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 14, 2019
Sometimes I can’t be bothered to use loo roll and I just wash my arse in the sink.
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 12, 2019
