STRUGGLING to find quality time with your other half? You are certainly not alone.
Only a third of parents manage it once a week, Legal & General found.
Damien McFadden – The Sun
But micro-dating – sharing small moments – may help.
Carla and Adam Tait – parents to Harley, six, and Layla, two – tried it out.
The Swindon couple, who have been married for four years, reveal all to Lynsey Hope.
Monday — Cuddling in bed
Damien McFadden – The Sun
Carla says: “We agreed our micro-date would be just a few minutes cuddled up in bed.
Normally we lie on opposite sides, put the telly on for a bit, don’t say two words to each other and eventually fall asleep.
“But when we got into bed, I cuddled into Adam. It felt intimate. We rarely touch each other these days.
“I fell asleep on him and woke up feeling loved.”
Adam says: “We had a lovely hug in bed on Monday evening and tried to do it throughout the week.
“It was only a few minutes but we both really enjoyed it.”
Tuesday — Listing likes/dislikes about one another
Damien McFadden – The Sun
Carla says: “I found this hard. We have forgotten about the person we married.
“It’s all about the kids. We realised the things we like about one another are important stuff.
“Adam said I was a good mum. The things we don’t like are petty. I realised Adam and I still get on really well.”
Adam says: “Carla put that I was a hands-on dad and that made me happy. I wasn’t surprised by the negative things she put. They were nothing major. It gave us a chance to talk about our relationship.”
Before
Nail technician Carla says: “I fell pregnant with Harley when we’d been together for 11 months.
“Things weren’t too bad after his birth. I went back to work part-time and we went out for the odd meal.
“Going from one to two children really affected our relationship.
“We don’t even have time to text one another and we never have time alone.”
Adam, who works at North Oxford Mini, says: “Our time together is minimal.
“Carla works around my shifts so, if I’m off, the chances are she’s at work.”
Wednesday — Surprise partner on lunch break
Damien McFadden – The Sun
Carla says: “I couldn’t believe it when Adam turned up at work to surprise me on my morning break.
“He brought sandwiches and we went for a stroll. It felt so lovely, the sort of thing you’d do in a new relationship.”
Adam says: “Carla loved it when I turned up at the salon where she works. It’s not something we’ve ever done before but I could manage it every few weeks when our shifts allow.
“After seeing how happy it made her, I definitely want to do it again.”
What is micro-dating
SEX and relationships expert Alix Fox says: “Micro-dating means creating miniature moments of romance and fun together that help you feel loved-up and connected.”
Here are her suggestions to boost your relationship:
– PICK A BOOK AS A PAIR: Take turns to read a few pages to each other every day so you can share it.
– CATCH THE SUNSET: Hold hands for a few minutes and take it in, wherever you happen to be.
– EAT BY CANDLELIGHT: It need not be a special meal, just a special mood.
– HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT: It is silly . . . and a bit naughty.
– GIVE MINI MASSAGES: Scented oils make things sumptuous but a quick rub through clothes will do, too.
– PLAY A CARD GAME: Up the ante with some cheeky forfeits.
Thursday — Sharing chores
Damien McFadden – The Sun
Carla says: “Adam usually does the bins by himself. This wasn’t terribly romantic but doing it together gave us a chance to catch up a bit on everyday life.”
Adam says: “Normally one of us takes the bins out while the other is bathing the kids.
“We’re going on holiday soon, so we were able to talk a little bit about our plans, what we wanted to do and what we still needed to get ready.
“Often, this stuff would just be communicated via text. It was nice to have a face-to-face conversation about it.”
Friday — Coffee before work
Damien McFadden – The Sun
Carla says: “Mornings are normally such a hurry for us as we battle to get the kids ready and I take Harley to school.
“After dropping him off I went home, we sat and had a coffee.
“It felt like a nice, calming way to start the day. I tried to ask Adam more about himself so it wasn’t all about the kids.”
Adam says: “This was my favourite micro-date. It was easy – just a quick coffee at home – but it’s something we rarely do together.
“Every couple should try to spend ten minutes having a cuppa together each day.”
Verdict
Carla says: “I’d recommend it. It’s going to be a while before we start getting more quality time but small changes like this are achievable for most – and it has definitely given our marriage a boost.”
Adam says: “It has reconnected us. We’ve talked so much more in this week than we have in the past few months and we’re going to have a really nice holiday because of it.
“I’d like to try to do more little surprises for Carla.
“We didn’t have the stress of trying to sort a babysitter and it didn’t cost a lot.”
