Netflix’s latest crime drama Adolescence is an eye-opener for parents, exposing how teenagers use emojis online as coded messages.
The four-part series follows 13-year-old Jamie Miller (played by Owen Cooper), who is arrested for the murder of his female classmate, Katie, after being radicalised by incel and misogynistic culture online.
One particularly unsettling scene highlights just how unaware the adults in the series are. DI Luke Bascombe initially misinterprets a series of emojis left by Katie on Jamie’s Instagram profile, believing they were flirtatious.
It’s only when his teenage son, Adam, reveals their much more sinister meaning that the true danger becomes apparent.
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‘The red pill is like “I see the truth”. It’s a call to action by the manosphere,’ Adam (played by Amari Bacchus) explains in the tense scene.
‘She’s saying he’s an incel, dad. She’s saying he always will be. That’s why they say you’re an incel, they’re saying you’re going to be a virgin forever.’
Adam’s explanation points to the toxic subculture of the manosphere, a collection of online communities that promote radical misogynistic views, often centred around the idea that women manipulate men and that only a small percentage of men are considered desirable by women.
Within this dark corner of the internet, the ‘red pill’ – a term borrowed from The Matrix – has come to symbolise awakening to the ‘truth’ about gender dynamics.
In the scene, Adam explains that the comment Katie left on Jamie’s Instagram profile, featuring a dynamite emoji, represents an ‘exploding red pill,’ meaning that someone is an incel.
He then goes on to describe the ‘80/20 rule’, a concept circulating among his classmates, and its connection to the ‘100’ emoji. ‘80% of women are attracted to 20% of men,’ Adam tells DI Bascom. ‘Women, you must trick them because you’ll never get them in a normal way.’
He adds that the kidney bean emoji is also be used to identify or self-identify as an incel, possibly due to its similarity to the coffee bean, a symbol rooted in derogatory memes mocking women online.
The coffee bean meme, popular on platforms like 4Chan and Reddit, has been used to belittle women and reinforce harmful stereotypes.
Adam also highlights how seemingly harmless emojis like hearts, which his father uses to express affection, can be completely different when used by younger generations.
In the scene, he explains: ‘Red means love, purple horny, yellow “I’m interested, are you interested”, pink “I’m interested but not in sex”, orange “you’re going to be fine”, it all has a meaning- everything has a meaning.’
How to talk to your children about online culture
DI Bascombe (alongside many viewers) is understandably baffled by the information his son shares and the sinister meanings behind the emojis.
The scene serves as a stark reminder for parents that the digital world their children inhabit is constantly evolving, as is how they communicate online.
If you’re concerned about your child’s exposure to online subcultures like the manosphere or the incel community, it’s important to approach the situation carefully.
Jenny Warwick, a BACP-accredited therapist and parenting expert, advises that discussing online issues with children should be seen as an ongoing conversation. ‘Keep an open and curious mindset,’ she tells Metro.
‘You want to encourage an open dialogue with no judgment. Ask questions like: “What do you think about how some people talk about gender online?”’
This approach helps create a safe space where your child feels comfortable discussing anything they might have come across, even if it’s disturbing.
Jenny stresses that it’s essential to help children recognise manipulation techniques used by extremist groups online, such as the ‘us vs. them’ mentality.
She recommends discussing healthy relationships, gender equality, and the echo chamber effect of social media.
‘Encourage critical thinking – teach them to question the sources of online content and why some groups hold certain beliefs,’ she adds.
Instead of resorting to drastic measures like blocking sites or removing screens, parents should take a measured approach.
‘Encourage your child to share their favourite sites and influencers with you,’ Jenny suggests.
‘Discuss tools like screen time limits and content filters, offering support as they learn to manage their online habits.’
She adds that social media is designed to keep users scrolling, which can be particularly challenging for adolescents. ‘While monitoring software can be helpful, it should never replace open communication.’
Jenny says that if parents notice a change in their child’s personality – such as becoming overly angry, frustrated, or withdrawn – it’s a sign to start a conversation. ‘Defensive or secretive behaviour when asked about their online activity should be paid attention to.’
How to keep your children safe online
There’s plenty of guidance on online safety from charities like the NSPCC, including advice on starting conversations and understanding age-appropriate risks for children.
When discussing online safety, the charity suggests it’s important to remain ‘calm, balanced, and non-judgmental’. This helps create a safe space for your child to express their thoughts without fear of punishment.
The website explains: ‘Talking regularly with your child can help keep them safe online. Making it part of daily conversation, like you would about their day at school, will help your child feel relaxed.’
How Could Children Feel Talking About Online Safety?
The NSPCC highlights that children may feel a range of emotions about online matters, such as:
- Discomfort or embarrassment about something they’ve said online.
- Shame or fear about something they’ve seen or done.
- Annoyance or confusion about something they don’t understand.
- Happiness or pride over receiving likes or validation online.
The charity explains it’s essential for children to have multiple people they can confide in, such as:
- Childline at 0800 1111 or visiting the Childline website for support.
- An adult family member (e.g., an aunt or older cousin).
- A teacher or pastoral staff member at school.
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