Living at home into adulthood has its advantages, from little-to-no rent and a fully stocked fridge — but it also has some pretty big downsides, as one reader found out.
At 23-years-old, this woman was horrified to learn that her mum had read her diary.
Unsurprisingly, the mum learnt something she wishes she hadn’t: that her daughter has a pretty active sex life. And now, their relationship is more strained than ever.
Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to read last week’s column about a girlfriend wondering if her partner will ever forgive her after she slept with his brother.
The problem:
I’m a girl of 23 whose mum still treats her like a 15-year-old. Last week she read my journal and was horrified to find out that I not only have a sex life, but I’ve slept with more than one guy. Shock, horror!
I’ve been living at home for nearly two years, since leaving university in 2023. I don’t want to live here, but finances stop me from living anywhere else than with my mum.
I’ve been journalling since I was about 17 and it has honestly never occurred to me that anyone else would want to read my private thoughts.
My diaries are kept in an unlocked drawer and last week, when I was away with friends, my mother stumbled upon them when ‘putting some washing away’ for me. She admitted that as soon as she found them, she couldn’t help having a read.
I don’t go into great detail about sex, although I do have codes about what I did with certain guys, and how good it was. Thank heavens Mum couldn’t decipher them, otherwise she’d have been even more shocked.
She tried to be calm about it, but in a very passive-aggressive way, told me off about ‘sleeping around’ and said men wouldn’t respect me. She said I was too easy, as it’s clear from my journals that I slept with some guys the night I met them. Big deal!
I’m so furious that I can hardly look at her or speak to her. What makes matters worse is that my younger brother talks openly about all the girls he hooks up with, and my mother never says a word.
The advice:
Oh my goodness, I feel angry for you! I needn’t tell you that you’re quite old enough to do what you want with as many lovers as you choose, and your mum had no right to read your journals.
But it’s done now, so the question is how you move forward. I can imagine it’s difficult but you need to stay calm and talk to your mother like an adult – not the little girl she clearly thinks you still are.
It’s important to be assertive without being aggressive, and tell her categorically that she is never to read your diaries again. Don’t inflame the situation by losing your composure or telling her to mind her own business, however angry you feel.
I’m sure she loves you dearly and wants only the best for you, but she is very much living in the past if she thinks boys can sleep around and girls can’t. Stand up for yourself, and calmly explain that you’ll do what you like with whoever you wish – as your brother does with his partners.
Once the dust has settled, I’m sure she’ll want to move on from this, just as much as you do. For as long as you have to live at home, it’s important for you both to reach a truce.
Look around for house shares where the rent is more affordable than taking on a place of your own; and meanwhile, keep your journals under lock and key.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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