MOST parents would probably agree, the sound of a whinging child is a sound like no other.
While we love our kids, the irritating tone of voice can go on and on, and at times it can be difficult to imagine the whining ever ending.
5
Thankfully, there are tried and tested methods to stop it, that according to parents themselves, DO work.
Nina Spencer, 41, is mum to two sets of twins, aged 10 and four, and is also the founder of free group, The Chaotic Motherhood Tribe.
She uses the ‘big kid voice’ method, and says: “While bribery is a great stopper in the moment of whining it’s not really a long term solution as it teaches them they get a treat when they whine.
“What we need to do instead is focus on what the child needs rather than what they want.”
5
‘Use your big kid voice’
A lot of the problem when it comes to whining is not so much what they’re actually saying, but the tone of voice they use.
Nina says: “We need to start by ignoring whining when it happens, pretend we are not bothered by it,
“Then, when our child is calm, we can have a conversation to tell them ‘in the future mummy is not going to respond to whining’ so we need to use ‘big kid voices’.
“Practice how to talk and reverse the roles.
“You be the child, whine and get your kid to ignore you until you use your big kid voice.”
Timing is everything
Also, notice when whining happens.
Nina says: “Are they tired, hungry, feeling poorly, hurt?
“Often our kids don’t know how to express themselves or even know what their body is telling them, so they end up whining requests.
“Keep an eye on when it happens, what do they really need? Can you fix that? Can you fix that problem next time before it arises?”
5
Tasks not tantrums
If you know whining happens regularly say at the supermarket, or in the car make sure you keep them occupied before the whining starts.
Nina says: “You could get them to help find things off a shopping list, get them to be a big helper by lifting things in the trolly, and then praise them.
“I used to dread heading to the shops with my kids because I would be overwhelmed at the thought of shopping let alone having to deal with four children in tow too.
“But actually, a few months ago, we needed a big shop, so I took all of them with me.
“We made sure everyone was fed beforehand, they all knew I had a list and while there were some requests of ‘can we have…’ I simply said no, but can you help me find apples instead, knowing they would want to eat them later but that they were also on the list.
“My eldest son would always whine when we were out at restaurants, he would scream and cry and whinge and it really made me mad.
“I used to see that we were treating the kids to a nice meal out and that they should dress smart, keep clean, and be quiet but what I was actually doing was putting a lot of stress on them to ‘be good’.
“But they didn’t know what that meant and it was not an environment they felt comfortable in.
“Once I had done some work on realising this we would then let the kids wear what they want (within reason), take a bag of toys to play with and if whining happened, take them for a little walk away from the other diners.”
5
Control your own emotions
It’s also important to remember to stay calm yourself.
Nina says: “Remember children have tough emotions and feelings sometimes just like we do.
“But children have often not learnt to deal with those emotions yet.
“It’s our job as parents to help them through, stay calm when whining happens, talk to them, try and empathise.”
Finally, consistency is key.
Nina says: “Make sure you stay consistent throughout, don’t apply the rules then on one occasion stop because kids will get confused and not know what they are supposed to do or not.”
5
