1 Start the conversation early, ideally before your child gets a smartphone or social media account so they are prepared for the risks – and benefits – of life online.
2 Make it age appropriate. “In an age-appropriate way, you can explain that there are some things online that are for adults only and that if they ever see anything that worries them online that they should come and tell you,” says the charity Childnet International.
3 Don’t let porn become a taboo subject. Don’t let awkwardness build, the children’s commissioner’s guide says. “It should be something that parents talk about to their kids,” was the message from 16- to 21-year-olds.
4 Try to be casual and use everyday opportunities to talk about tricky subjects. It’s probably best to avoid “the big talk”, which can be off-putting for young people. Perhaps try having a conversation while walking or driving, when you are side by side rather than face to face. It can be more relaxed that way.
5 Talk regularly, the NSPCC children’s charity advises. “Talking regularly with your child is the greatest tool to help keep them safe online. Talking regularly and making it part of daily conversation, like you would about their day at school, will help your child feel relaxed. It also means when they do have any worries, they’re more likely to come and speak to you.”
6 Laughter can help. “Our young people told us that laughing with their parent can break tension and makes everyone feel more comfortable – they don’t want you to be too serious or scary,” the commissioner’s guide says.
7 Do not tell them off if they look at porn, and do not instantly take away their device as punishment. “Be reassuring about the confusing emotions your child might feel after seeing explicit content,” says the commissioner’s guide. “Let them know it’s OK to be curious and that this is a normal part of growing up. Create a judgment‑free space to talk about it.”
8 Try not to overreact. If they come across porn – either accidentally or deliberately – try to explain why watching adult content too young can be harmful. “Don’t punish instead of having a proper good talk.”
9 Be prepared to challenge views that may arise from watching adult content, says the commissioner’s guidance. “Reinforce the message that sex and bodies, as depicted in a lot of porn, are not realistic. Explain that porn can make things like non‑consensual sex appear ‘normal’ or ‘OK’ but it is not.”
10 Do your homework. Young people want their parents to learn about new technology. They also want parents to be better informed about the risks of the online world and how to prevent early exposure to harmful content, including online pornography.
11 Look for support from other sources if needed. Parents and carers should be ready to offer support to their child, but also be prepared to seek further help if their child needs it, including how and where to report incidents of online sexual abuse.
12 Create a safe and trusting home environment. The young people surveyed for the children’s commissioner’s guide said they wanted to share things with their parents but do not always feel able. “Help your child to feel comfortable talking about apps they’re on and what they’re experiencing online.”
