I remember once having a conversation with a good friend of mine when I was studying for my Post-Graduate diploma in Newspaper Journalism.
It went something like this. “Well you’re a feminist obviously” – Me: “ummm… no, I wouldn’t call myself that… I’m not extreme or anything…” – Her rebuke, justifiably so, made me ashamed of not wanting to call myself a feminist.
I had been caught up in the theory that to call myself a feminist was to claim to be someone with extreme views. That’s how I had been conditioned to think. Don’t speak too loudly, try to be gentler and more discreet, know your place. I’ve always believed in equality between the sexes, so why was I unaware of the fact that my feminism is just that?
I no longer am afraid to speak up in meetings or point out when others are deliberately, or accidentally, being sexist. This doesn’t need to be done in a way to make others feel bad – it’s just that if casual comments are left to pass us by, we have no way of making sure that young children are free to be their best selves without restriction.
My mother always stood up for her right to speak up, in the home and in the workplace. Brought up in a traditional household in India, she was unusual among her peers in the sense that she was sent to live and study abroad at the age of 19 years.
She carved her way in a strange, sometimes hostile, yet comparatively liberal land. Even though she was one of the people who often begged me to be less “out there” – almost as if she was worried that I would turn people against me, that life would be harder than it needed to be.
Now, I know that she is immensely proud of the woman I am, and she speaks fondly of her daughter, who as a young girl refused to be cow-towed by family “friends” who felt that I was bringing shame to our “culture”. She put up with the back-handed compliments when she boasted about how well I was doing at school – “will it get her a good husband though?” –
She didn’t allow a once-family friend to get away with a tirade against me when I was 10 years old, and he was dropping me home from school, who told me that I was a show-off with a big mouth. Whatever she thought about my outgoing personality, she was always going to protect my freedom to grow and find my own place in the world.
I hope that every child, regardless of their gender has someone in their corner to do that. If not, how will they ever be the best versions of themselves?
I’m pleased to say that I have embraced my feminism. My husband proudly declares himself a feminist, as do many of our friends, male and female – I think it’s very hard not to. Yet there is much for all of us to learn. I’m actively reading about the waves of feminism and how the movement means different things to different people. In my mind, there is no perfect version of it. Nor should there be – other than the basis of it being equality.
I won’t apologise for having a point of view, I would like to think that I am someone who thinks about a subject before I express an opinion. I am painfully aware that feminism is more than simply demanding, or expecting, to be treated equally – but it’s a start. I can’t imagine a world where my sex doesn’t influence someone’s opinion of me. I just hope that one day, it will be just one of many of my qualities that help to define me.
Naga presents BBC Breakfast which is on BBC One every day from 6am