When Dr Melissa Kang and I wrote the period guidebook Welcome to Your Period in 2019, there was nothing like it at the time. Ideas and language around period shame, period poverty and the need for period education to reach kids before puberty did – those ideas hadn’t hit mainstream.
So how do you prepare your child for getting their period?
The first thing you need to know is that sex and puberty education is different to when you were on the receiving end.
We now know as educators that you don’t get to teach it once and then forget about it. The conversations need to be ongoing. Update the info as your child grows. It could be monthly (which for period ed would be wonderfully on-brand) or bi-monthly, but it needs to be more than once a year, and it’s the sort of chat that will change depending on the age of your child.
Most kids get their first period about 12 years old, but “menarche” can commonly occur at any age from nine to 17. There are signs that may indicate the period is on its way: breast buds usually start growing two years before the first period, and vaginal discharge will naturally start six months to one year prior.
Gauge the age you think is appropriate because every child is different and no one knows them as well as you do.
In the lead-up to turning, say, 10, normalise talking about your own period. Talk about your period with your friends when your kid is listening. Talk to them about the ways you manage your bleeds (or how you used to, if it’s stopped). Run them through different period management tools such as pads, tampons, period undies, and allow them to get their hands on the products – tear them open, get then to stick a pad on to their own underwear or try the undies on.
A lot of us never touched a pad until the first day we needed to use one. Discuss which ones they think they might prefer. Does it feel funny? Look in the mirror. Look at all the different sizes! Would you prefer smaller? Wider? Do people really stick those tampons inside their vaginas?
Remember that all your child’s reactions and questions are valid.
If you don’t know the answer to a question? Be honest. “I don’t know but I’ll find out and get back to you.” No one expects their parent to be Professor Period. What they do want is for you to care enough to find out the answer and return to the conversation soon.
Read online resources, books and share what you think is interesting with your child. There are even online games designed to demystify periods (and also sell product to your child).
Remember, you’re setting the tone here. If you’re of the opinion that periods are The Worst, your child will probably feel the same. Aim for pragmatic, and look for the funny side. Because, let’s face it, it’s pretty hilarious.
Talk about some of the common pitfalls of monthly bleeding. Leaks, forgetting your supplies, period pain, diarrhoea, moodiness. How did you deal with them? Are there better ways now that you didn’t know about when you were their age? Ask them: what is the thing you’re most nervous about?
When they feel informed, together you can take action. Prepare a little period pack. This can be a zipped-up kit like a pencil case, where you stash all your period supplies.
These could include:
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a fresh pair of underwear
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two or three pads, tampons or period undies (enough for a school day)
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pain relief (good for cramps, don’t take on an empty stomach!)
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a chocolate bar
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peppermint teabag
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hand sanitiser
This now goes with them to school, sleepovers, camp and trips away. It’s light and fairly indestructible so it doesn’t matter if it gets tossed around a little. Teach them about Honour Among Bleeders – where, if someone around you needs an emergency pad or tampon, you absolutely will do your best to help them out!
It could be a couple of years after organising a period pack that they get their period – this is OK. Let them forget about it.
When the time comes and they do get their period, follow their lead for how you react. Do they want a fuss made? A party? (we suggest a Red Velvet Cake for the lols in Welcome to Your Period)
Remember this is their news to share, not yours. Some kids want to get on the phone and tell every auntie and best friend. Others would sooner eat boogers than tell a single soul. Let them decide. It’s their adventure now.
