While casually scrolling through the comments on a TikTok post featuring my three-month-old baby, Havana, my jaw dropped.
‘That baby don’t even have a little melanin,’ one person wrote. ‘It’s just sad.’
This person that I didn’t even know was commenting on my baby’s skin colour and it felt like being sucker-punched. I couldn’t wrap my head around how anyone could stoop so low as to comment negatively on a child’s appearance — let alone my child.
So I called it out.
‘I really don’t understand comments like this,’ I said in a follow-up video. ‘It’s just really weird that people in this day and age want to sit and comment on someone’s skin colour.’
Unfortunately, comments like these persist for mixed-race children like mine. But it needs to stop.
When Neil and I met in July 2022, we fell for each other fast. Our love story was a whirlwind, and we didn’t waste any time building a life together.
Within a month of deciding in November 2022 that we wanted to try for a baby, we found out we were expecting our little girl. We were ecstatic.
My pregnancy was a dream. We went on a babymoon to Bali in March 2023, where Neil surprised me with the most romantic proposal overlooking the iconic rice fields.
Havana’s arrival in October last year only added to the magic. She entered this world and filled our hearts with love.
When we first welcomed Havana into the world, the thought of receiving such vile remarks about her skin colour never crossed my mind. She was beautiful, perfect, and brought so much joy to our lives.
As any new parents would, we were excited to share glimpses of our precious baby with the world. And at first, the feedback was what you’d expect — supportive and celebratory.
But around the time she was just a month old, I received my first negative comment: ‘Why is she so white?’
It hit me like a tonne of bricks. I have had to develop a thick skin with social media and I bottled it up, but it hurt deeply.
It was the beginning of what would become a barrage of ignorant remarks, some blatantly abusive and others veiled in faux curiosity.
Hurtful messages began pouring in, including: ‘This is a white child’, ‘Whose white baby is that?’, ‘Did your genes even try to work?’, and even ‘I hope your ancestors curse your womb for having a white child’.
Reading those comments broke me. I felt devastated, confused, and angry.
How could people troll a baby? I was consumed with resentment — not just towards the people leaving these comments, but social media itself.
As a mother, my instinct is to protect my child at all costs, and while I knew Havana was too young to understand or see these messages, it didn’t stop the pain or the helplessness I felt.
People were talking about my daughter – judging her – and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
Eventually, I filtered certain words and comments on my social media to avoid seeing the worst of it. But even with these safeguards in place, some messages still slip through.
What’s most shocking is that some of these comments don’t even come from outright trolls. They come from people who otherwise leave positive or conversational messages, adding a casual ‘x’ at the end of their comment, as if that softens the blow.
The casual racism is somehow even harder to stomach than the blatant abuse. At least the outright trolls own their hatred.
What’s more disturbing is the normalisation of these comments — people who think it’s acceptable to make derogatory remarks about someone’s skin colour, and to direct these comments at a baby. A child who hasn’t even had the chance to grow up or form her identity.
It’s horrifying. How has society sunk so low that even innocent children are fair game for such cruelty, with no accountability for the people who perpetuate it?
As a mother, I want people to know just how much this hurts.
I don’t want Havana to grow up in a world where skin colour is the first thing people notice about her. I don’t want her thinking she should be darker or lighter.
We should have moved past this. Commenting on someone’s skin colour, especially in a way that carries a negative undertone, is harmful and impacts mental health.
Havana – like every child – is perfect exactly as she is. Her uniqueness should be celebrated, not critiqued.
We need to educate people about the diversity of families. As a multiracial family, I know people have certain expectations — they assume that because I’m a Black woman, my daughter should look a certain way or share my complexion.
But genetics are complex, and every child is different. People need to break free from these outdated ideas and learn to embrace the beauty in diversity.
More importantly, people need to understand that their words have consequences. Whether intentional or not, hurtful comments can leave a lasting impact.
It costs nothing to be kind, and it can make all the difference. My hope is that by sharing my experience, I can encourage others to think twice before they speak or type.
And most importantly, I hope Havana grows up in a kinder, more understanding world — one that values her for who she is, not the colour of her skin.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing James.Besanvalle@metro.co.uk.
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